i wouldn't go back. my ex is happier where he is, and so am i, but still... there's that wistful part of me that can't help thinking about hearth and home and family, things that are scarce for me at this point in my life. that life i had was as close as i've gotten so far.
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| cuz i totally look like this |
that means that i have to find a way to make work the shit i got. thousand trails has a campground near here. it's actually occurred to me that it might be kinda fun to fix up my trailer and live out of a campground for a while. $450 something buys you a year-long camping pass in one of their "zones". you can stay at any one place for 14 days before you have to move for a week, and then you can go back again. there's one campground on the outskirts of morgan hill and another one about an hour away in paicines. anyway, that's just the working theory so far.
of course, my whatever and i are still doing well, and we've talked about what's going to happen. we don't have plans for anything to change, but of course that's no guarantee of anything.
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| this shit is EXACTLY why people have nightmares about these guys |
because utter and absolute inebriation is perhaps the only environment in which a grown man can approach the mindset necessary to be capable of dressing like a clown...
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tired today. feeling like i'm fighting something AGAIN. could not get my energy going yesterday, and it feels like today is worse.
we were supposed to go fishing today, but everybody in the house is as tired as i am. my whatever has his son over, and his grandson, and everybody is tense. i think it's because my whatever can't stand to have people in his house for very long. it's weird how he's comfortable around me, frankly.
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my whatever's son, jesse, just said:
"a twinkie is one ingredient away from being plastic, and yet they're sinfully delicious when fried".
i'm not going to ask how he knows this. i'm just going to bow to his superior twinkie knowledge.
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| there's just nothing i can add here. |
sometimes i think, this is such a great relationship. sometimes i think, my whatever and i have something worth fighting for.
other times, i can't imagine how shit is going to work out. the landlord won't let me move in with him, and after i'm kicked out as of 01/01/2013, i won't be able to stay here anymore if he's not here.
and yet, he's lived here for the last 16 years. he's not going to move. just yesterday he opened up his kitchen window, looked out and said, "i'm so glad i can see fields when i open my window, and not another apartment".
i can't ask him to move. i can't see any way forward for us after the new year.
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