TygrThink

didn't think to write today until about an hour before i've got to be leaving the house for work, which way isn't enough time.

cool thing to share: homestead survival blog... apricot vodka. i'm not a drinker, but this looks good even to me. provided you could find nice ripe perfect apricots, this would be a guaranteed rocker. not everything they post rocks, but they have a lot of nice ideas, and they showcase some other cool blogs, so definitely one of those places worth wandering through.

still working on who i am. had another great email from my brother-in-law, but haven't had a quiet moment to absorb it all yet. talked with my guy last night about lots and lots of stuff - he's kind of thinking the same thing as me, i.e. time to go through the hoarded wads of clothes he hasn't worn and even missed, and thin the herd.

i'm way too much of a perfectionist, and it sabotages a lot of what i do. i think of something i want to accomplish, but then i get all bogged down in "i need X amount of time, and oh, i should do THIS before i do THAT, and..." etc etc ad nauseum, ad infinitum. i wind up never doing the thing i wanted to do.

my brain... imagine what happens when i sneeze

so today, cleaned out ONE plastic bag full of bathroom stuff. cleaned some stuff off the kitchen table. getting ready for work early.

mental clutter is every bit as horrible as physical clutter.

one more thought and then i'm gonna boogie: i know a lady who's just about to hit the nasty rapids of break-up with a guy she loves desperately and considers to be her soul mate. only problem, this guy does not feel the same way about her and has been telling her from the beginning. granted, like most guys he probably unwittingly did and said things that could have helped her feel a bit more attached than she should have, but guys don't get girlspeak, and ultimately, we're all responsible for not recognizing the signs of incompatibility, right?

i know it was my fault with that one guy i loved so desperately, who lived FIVE THOUSAND MILES AND SOME TEN-TWENTY TIME ZONES AWAY FROM ME. how i ever managed to delude myself into thinking we were soul mates is beyond me, but i was really vulnerable, and i believed the things he said.

problem is, we ladies like to create a rosy vision of our relationships, and we disregard all evidence we might be presented with that disagrees with this rosy vision, until the day our rosy vision slips so far out of whack with the reality of the way the guy is behaving towards us, that we crack like lizzie borden and start hunting around in the back of the pantry for that old axe...

yup.

nice stable single lady seeks SWM for permanent, screamingly dysfunctional relationship in which man will fulfill the role of matrimonial accessory, and constantly mirror the woman's worth to the world by a neverending array of actions, behaviors and gifts designed to point out how important the woman is to the man....

i'm tempted to try and talk to her, to help somehow, because i know intimately every second of the hell she's about to create for herself. been there. done that.

but i already know nothing i say is going to help. i could give you every reason WHY i know nothing i say is going to help, but there's no point. in the end, she never listened to him when he talked about what he did and didn't want, so she'll never listen to me.

maybe this is just something the universe requires everyone to face alone until you finally figure it out. "wow. he's not the right guy for me and i need to acknowledge that and let go of him before i get all weird and obsessive"?

dunno. i just know in my gut i can't help her.

got a headache. i've been sick for a few days. my back is killing me and now i have cramps. i'm SO tempted to call in sick to work and i already know i won't.